A Confused Person ...

First sentence that I wanna say in my both situation, sadness and happiness is, Now I am in the last semester! The seventh semester. I can’t believe it. Time flies so fast, I think. In my mind, I just enrolled to my university yesterday, but now, who I am? A student university at the last grade. How old I am. Unbelievable. I’ve memorized many things which happen in my life and they’ll be my own history. I’ve met many friends with different culture or character who make me learn more about life.

Yeah, I’ve written on my own paper about was going on in my life, my sad or my fun stories. Ten years later, I’m gonna open and read them again so I can back to my past or even to be the story teller for my children. I know, it’ll be satisfied for me. Hold on, for making my real history, I love taking many photoes everywhere and everytime, and that’s why I love travelling so much. Every place which I visited, I took photoes as many as I want. As same reason, ten years later, when I miss my colorfull past I’ll open and I swear that crying is the best way to express. Defenitly, I beg God will let me opening those my histories ten or fifty years later.

But now, I am a confused person who can’t open the brilliant gate yet. One main point which is an obligation for the students postgraduate is theses. Yup, it’s my turn, it’s my time for finishing my theses. What makes me so confused is about the deadline. I make my deadline, I must finish my education in this semester, I must pass my theses as fast as possible in order to concentrate more with my another university. Saying is easier than doing. I can say that easily but my mind scream loudly. I don’t know what will happen then. Will I finish that on time as my deadline, or maybe I have to keep my words and just lock my mouth?

There are many reasons why I wanna and also I must take theses this semester. Firstly, I don’t have any course anymore, only one course left on Thursday. Am I carzy for paying Rp 2.100.000 only for one course in this semester? Secondly, if I decide to take it for the next semester, it’ll make me more crazy. For the next semester, I am at the sixth semester in my another university, it means that there will be KKN. So, if I can take it later, it’ll crash and without asking, I’ll be more crazy to face it.

But, once again I’ve to say that I’m a confused person. Until this time I’m lying on my comfort bed, I still can’t find even only a title yet. I don’t know what I am thinking about. Every night, I always make a date with my beloved laptop, but no inspiration comes to me. There is an old saying that explains starting something is more difficult than doing regurally. It seems very difficult to start doing my theses, my imagination always approach me for touching the keybord and start writing something else which doesn’t have a corelation with my deadline.

I need a special motivator. Someone who has ability for forcing me to finish my theses. He doesn’t need text me everytime just for accompanying me, but what I need is his great support. As my friend said that his boyfriend always waiting for and support her to finish her theses and welcoming two years later for their marriage. If I were her, I’ll arrange all of my energy and as fast as possible I get my sweet graduation.

Exactly, it’s not about a special someone who will give me such as support. As usual, I still alive without that special someone, I have my beloved family and friends, they’re my spirit. Especially my parents who always love me, care of me, pray for me, and help me, I always do my best for making them to be proud of their daughter. But, I save a big question on my mind and my soul. Can I get my dream? Will I be the best for them whom I love?

God, I beg You fot letting me reach my big dream. You must know what big dream is. I don’t wanna make them are dissapointed. Now, the lazyness comes to distrub me over. Make me hate it and pass my days in brilliant ways. Let me be the best daughter for my lovely parents, make me be the great sister for my brothers then. I really wanna change my life to be better, I wanna help my parents for continuing my brothers’ education. Don’t leave me, God. Always touch my foot in each better way, don’t let me turn to the wrong way. I love You, my Allah ...